Ever since the moment when you decided...

          Yeah, this entry is just a random thought because my mind is in a complete mess right now. I felt really burden with the kind of job that I didn’t really want to be any part of it at the first place. That’s why people say, don’t say yes to something that you really don’t know what it is all about. Honestly, I was aware because it was my fault at the first place to agree on it because I don’t want let any people down when they’re begging to me. And I underestimated that it would be an easy job to be done. 

           I guessed it’ll be better if I just ignore that persuasion, but I’ve done the opposite. I agreed and finally it made my life more miserable than I ever thought. I can’t sleep happily at night and my stress meter goes up and my thought deranged. Ever since the moment I decided to be the part of it there’s no turning back. I have to take all responsibilities to what I’ve decided earlier, right? Definitely, I can’t give up in the middle of the battle and just do my best even though there’ll be a lot of critiques that I will face later on. I’m aware of that, but this is what I really afraid of. 

          After going through a lot of things recently, I realized that my greatest enemy is myself. It’s my feeling of inferiority and fear that eats me up. I realized that I really afraid of having commitments and responsibilities. I can take up and managed stress that related to me very well but to hold responsibilities being the person in-charge or representative for a group of people, the tense is greater. 

 

 Anyhow, I think this cartoon has resemblance to what I had experience few years back then, not the exact, just a bit similar!

          Well, I’ve got my lesson. And I have learn it the hard way. No matter what people may think about you, just decide which way you like because it is good to be hated now rather than making your life miserable but at the end of the day, you might be hated as well. No offense, by writing this the heaviness and tightness that I’ve been feeling began to lift a bit. With the exam just in next week, I’m slightly become more sensitive toward things that happen in my daily life as a full time student. Rather than agrees all the time, I’ll try my best to say no. Please, say no to unnecessary stuffs and focus on the most important priority in life.