Confession



Peace be upon you.

A random screencap from currently airing 7th Grade Civil Servant

                Uh-oh, this will be a quite sentimental long post. Yeah, after a long time I didn’t write some serious things- but it does happen in our life that we kept making mistakes, sometimes we just don’t realize. This is just a reflection on how ignorant a human like me could be. Yeah, facts that’s hard to swallow! I’m lacking. 

“A person who used to do bad things, it doesn’t mean he will be all bad forever”

I used to write this sentence in my previous post, but I couldn’t remember. It might not the exact sentence but the meaning is still the same. Though I myself wrote that sentence, today I acted as if I never wrote it. I really felt ashamed on myself for what I had done.

She is one of my best friends, but since the few incidents months ago, I felt I had been betrayed and things seemed to be different. I had bad thought about her and doubted on her. I thought that I might have obsessive compulsive disorder since I had a lot of doubts. And something did happen today. I didn’t say anything but my words and action seemed that I pinpoint her for doing something bad. I didn’t know, but without proof and all I assumed that she did the bad thing. She did not know that I had this bad feeling about her all this long. But it turned out that she did a good deed and that makes me felt and thought, how stupid I was to have those negative thoughts about her. Maybe my heart is so black that I couldn’t think straight and emotionally driven by the previous incidents. 

This made me realize that you can’t be a good person unless you throw away the negative thoughts on other people. People might change for the better one day, but me? What if I, who really wanted to do good things today, in the end, become a very bad person in the future? No, I don’t what that. The most important thing now is to looking on myself, whether I’m good enough. And truly I’m lacking here and there and I should fix myself first before doubting others. 


Forgiving others will make you happier and calmer. True, I do agree. But, with the negative thoughts that I had, did I really forgave her mistakes? When I was thinking, I said to myself that I forgive her, really with my all intentions but why the negative thoughts still haunted me? How to let go of that kind of thoughts? 

Maybe I should just remind myself every time that thought coming to me. 

Would I still continue to do like this? There’s no benefit from thinking bad things about others. Why don’t I carry on and do some beneficial things?  I can do something better than this.

For her, it might be hard for her to throw away her bad deeds and I think even she herself doesn’t like to do it. Maybe when she did it few times, it became habits and it’s hard to let go. I want to believe that she’ll be a better and I really want to trust her, again. Now, for me it doesn’t matter anymore – whatever it is, God knows it; and who I am to judge others? Seriously, I can’t and I don’t have right to do so. Let’s be happy together and find the way to the righteous path, becoming a better person than we were. 


** those images, from google search engine..heee~
 
Till then, see ya!

Comments

Anthony Hopper said…
Everyone makes mistakes...

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