Confession
Peace be upon you.
A random screencap from currently airing 7th Grade Civil Servant
Uh-oh,
this will be a quite sentimental long post. Yeah, after a long time I didn’t write
some serious things- but it does happen in our life that we kept making
mistakes, sometimes we just don’t realize. This is just a reflection on how ignorant
a human like me could be. Yeah, facts that’s hard to swallow! I’m lacking.
“A person who used to do bad things, it doesn’t mean he will be all bad
forever”
I used to write this sentence in
my previous post, but I couldn’t remember. It might not the exact sentence but
the meaning is still the same. Though I myself wrote that sentence, today I acted
as if I never wrote it. I really felt ashamed on myself for what I had done.
She is one of my best friends,
but since the few incidents months ago, I felt I had been betrayed and things
seemed to be different. I had bad thought about her and doubted on her. I
thought that I might have obsessive compulsive disorder since I had a lot of
doubts. And something did happen today. I didn’t say anything but my words and
action seemed that I pinpoint her for doing something bad. I didn’t know, but
without proof and all I assumed that she did the bad thing. She did not know
that I had this bad feeling about her all this long. But it turned out that she
did a good deed and that makes me felt and thought, how stupid I was to have
those negative thoughts about her. Maybe my heart is so black that I couldn’t think
straight and emotionally driven by the previous incidents.
This made me realize that you can’t
be a good person unless you throw away the negative thoughts on other people.
People might change for the better one day, but me? What if I, who really
wanted to do good things today, in the end, become a very bad person in the
future? No, I don’t what that. The most important thing now is to looking on myself,
whether I’m good enough. And truly I’m lacking here and there and I should fix
myself first before doubting others.
Forgiving others will make you
happier and calmer. True, I do agree. But, with the negative thoughts that I had,
did I really forgave her mistakes? When I was thinking, I said to myself that I
forgive her, really with my all intentions but why the negative thoughts still
haunted me? How to let go of that kind of thoughts?
Maybe I should just remind myself every time that thought
coming to me.
Would I still continue to do like this? There’s no benefit from thinking
bad things about others. Why don’t I carry on and do some beneficial things? I can do something better than this.
For her, it might be hard for her
to throw away her bad deeds and I think even she herself doesn’t like to do it.
Maybe when she did it few times, it became habits and it’s hard to let go. I
want to believe that she’ll be a better and I really want to trust her, again.
Now, for me it doesn’t matter anymore – whatever it is, God knows it; and who I
am to judge others? Seriously, I can’t and I don’t have right to do so. Let’s
be happy together and find the way to the righteous path, becoming a better
person than we were.
Till then, see ya!
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