Healing the emptiness
Peace be upon you.
It has been a long time isn’t it? Well good news is that the exam is over. Today it is the last day of my exam. I knew I screwed it up. But things can’t be undone. So let Him decide. I’m sorry; this post is going to be too personal. Please make your leave if you think this is unnecessary.
Actually during my study weeks, I wrote a lot of things but it never get finished and I had to re-edit some of it and I decided not to post it now. I wondered why all those random ideas and thoughts came out during the crucial time of my life. But that’s not just it then. Okay, let’s not talk about it.
Before the first day of my exam I had palpitation and it was so crazy. Well, here are the self notes that I wrote to remind me the feeling of taking the exam. It’s quite weird and self-absorbed, but hey...nobody will read this post, I suppose!
Look, exam is psychologically and physically stressful. I second that.
As soon as my final exam ended, deep inside me I felt a very extreme emptiness. Everything seemed so empty and the feeling of nothingness haunted me ( I know that I’m wasting the precious time with this redundancy). I lost of interest in doing anything, for a few hours. I asked myself, is this exam the thing that you work hard for five long years of studying? And it ended just like that. It’s deeply empty.
I turned into the new pages and coincidentally ( I would rather say that it wasn’t a coincidence by the way) it’s the time for me to read Al-Hadid. It is the 57th chapter of The Quran. I felt so relieved. In some sort of ways it really healed the emptiness inside me. Is the success in academic my only goal? Certainly not. Life is more than that. It questioned me about what matter the most in my life and recalibrate the purpose of my existence. It’s amazing and yet, beautiful. I was really astounded.
As I continue reading, I came across this verse.
“No misfortune can happen on earth or in your souls but is recorded in a decree before We bring it into existence: That is truly easy for Allah: In order that ye may not despair over matters that pass you by, nor exult over favours bestowed upon you.”
57: 22-23
And last but not least. As reminder for me,
“O you who have believed, fear Allah and believe in His Messenger; He will [then] give you a double portion of His mercy and make for you a light by which you will walk and forgive you; and Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.”
57: 28
Freaking in love with sunflower, now.
I am relieved. Whatever happens, accept it. Take it as a chance. I should not lose hope. Every cloud has a silver lining. Suddenly I realized not everything in this life happen to have the second chance; know that I’m grateful enough that if this doesn’t end up well – there’s always a second chance. And by right, it should have made me a better person. I learned my lesson today. I really want to thanks all of our teachers, friends and family who were being there in time we are in need. You’re such a great helpers to us that taught us a lot of things. May God grant all off you His Blessings and may all of us students, pass the exam and be able to become a better person than we were.
As I ended this post, the song Let It Go from Frozen keep coming in my head. Am I hallucinating? No, it’s just an earworm.
Till then, peace be upon you! Goodbye. Let’s live, love and being loved.
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